Cooperation is the key
Okay, you asked for it! Here's a collection of puns I made up while posting on alt.humor.puns.
There was a beautiful girl at the fruit stand who sold lemons. I often went there just to talk to her and to ask her out, but she always refused. I did everything I could, dress sharp, comb my hair, shower her with compliments; but she always said no. I gave up. I finally realized that you just can't elope with a lemon maid.
How does a cat say, "I'm sorry"?
There was a Hindu monk who was quite annoying because he
always hung around after everyone else had left.
Nobody knew why Gwen always went to class with so many pens in her notebook. She must have had a hundred of them. But if you ever needed a pen, all you had to do was to go to Pen Gwen.
The psychiatrist went over his notes and said, "From our
discussions, it appears that you have an oedipal complex."
Do you know what undergarment a woman from Algeria
I knew these two guys who were rude, fat, and nasty. They claimed to have a brother that was a cook at the corner diner. I decided never to go there. One day, I joined some co-workers to go out to lunch. "Where're we going?," I asked. "To the corner diner," they all chimed in. I shuddered. I could just imagine. Greasy, unappitizing food served by a boistrous cook. We got there and I was surprised. The salad and pasta was wonderful and we even met the cook, a very polite, pleasant person. That taught me a valuable lesson. Never judge a cook by its brothers.
What if George had Harrison's Ford?
judge dismissed an entire jury made up of cats. Do you know
How to grow grapes:
Think you're a bad biker? Then you probably know about Carl's Tavern in New Mexico. Glass a-flyin, cussin', even the pool table has more than six holes! So unless you're tough as leather, you'd best not go into New Mexico and visit Carl's Bad Tavern.
Here's a little known fact about art history. You see, though the American Indian culture has not been thoroughly studied, there was a period of time during the 1400s it's estimated that a number of bison paintings were done in the plains region. This became known as the bisontine era. I was really buffaloed when I read about that. Have you ever herd of such a thing?
What Would You Like for Dessert?
Can deer learn to dance?
All Aboard the Titanic!
What did you Order?
Know what happens if you wear jeans all your life?
Do cooks tell jokes?
Can cats preach?
Can cats practice psychology?
Can cats bake pies and cookies?
Can cats play the guitar?
Do cats live in the Andes?
Can I burro some money?
There's cheap, bad wine; then there's really cheap, bad wine. One such wine made people explode. At a neighborhood party, several people poured this wine into their glasses and after a few sips, they started to explode, one by one. The fire department was called. A few days later, the cause of the fire was finally determined: Boom's Farm.
Ever been to a "Bathrooms Anonymous" meeting? They're draining. They're a bunch of drips trying to sink of something to say and they always end with, "Keep coming bath, it works!" Then they go out to a tubberware party.
Can you tell what day it is with a collander?
Anchorwoman Jane Pauley dreamt that she was a parrot.